I haven't been writing much at all lately.  

I just watched American Beauty; I've seen it before, but it hit me especially hard at the end this time.  Since I'd last seen it, I've been through more dark times in my life, so I took the end more seriously than I had anticipated.  It took me by surprise.  I think the reason I took it so seriously is that I believe more that things like that could happen.  I think I did believe that before, but perhaps just not as much.

I have grown more pessimistic when it comes to people.

And both more pessimistic and optimistic when it comes to myself.

I should go to bed soon.  I want to get some cleaning done and then tomorrow work on my application.

Then I will see my niece and nephew for Christmas.

It is hard to be alone after watching that movie.  Right up until the end, I was happy that I was watching, and fine being by myself.

But it put me in a serious, sad mood, and that is hard.

I want to have someone to talk to about it.



Hopefully someday.