When will things be ok?

I have been looking for jobs.

With no, as yet, real success.

I have been thinking a lot about my life.

Why?

Is all I can think.

Hopefully things will be better.

And soon.

I will meet J downtown later today.

I'm excited to see him.

I hope things will be ok for us.

We care about each other.

But if we can not make it work financially to live together in the same place, at least the same town

I don't think we will stay together for now.

I may get a job in Korea

teaching English.

If that happens

it is so well paid

that I will accept it

and he will probably not come with me.

He may be able to

but I would probably have to pay for everything

and I am kind of tired of doing that.

We will see.

I think I will go meet him soon.

My car is finally done for.

So I will ride my bike downtown.

I'm looking forward to it.

If I have time, I will apply at a few places downtown.

Oh if only!

I hope I hear something soon.

I really have to.

Otherwise I have no where to turn.

No where to go.

Why even live?

This is not living.

This is waiting.

For death?

That is not a good way to live.

To just want to be dead

so you don't have to deal with things

anymore.

Well, enough about that.

When I am able

I think

things have to get better.

They just have to.

Well, I will go for now.


Help.

I am up late--can't sleep---will this be coherent? :)
i am happier now, although i have been depressed and that's why i haven't been writing.